I wish i could write it anytime i want, whenever the idea pop out like this time-- at this moment... i believe this is the only medium that i could express my feelings, my thoughts of any issue, critically criticize in any aspects it should be criticize.
I--- should never question a holiness of someone which is superior than me in which their level are beyond my degree of authority. When they are higher in ranking of respect, i expect them to teach me or at least i learn a lot of positive life values to be applied in my future. But then, when comes the unethical values potrayed in their action; i started to question the holiness of the person. In return, the respect u have for that kind of person, will decrease. I am not sure if you can understand this, but let me give you an example. If to debate on religion point of view, u would never argue with an ustaz or ustazah which we know that they are expert in that area and when they slightly done any mistake in the public, people will smack them down like they never ever did any good things before. That is how the reaction of our society towards this kind of issue. You must show a good example to the people around you so that no finger will be pointed towards you on inappropriate actions.
So, here in my case, i am no longer a toddler that can be cheated on any result you made. I am here to judge and i can value myself what kind of people you are. This is general principle ethics that you must always think good of others, never make any speculation towards others unless you witness yourself the wrongdoings they have made. But that is still not enough to drop any conclusion that a person is bad. Its your eyes that may trick you. I always wanted my now and future to be different from what i was raised. To change the negativity mindset into positive ones.. too much influence from badmouth people will destroy our peaceful mind and judgement. So stay away from this people.
In 2015; i wish and work to become a better person than i am before. Become an understanding mother to my dearest son, splendid wife to my lovable husband and a pious slave to my Creator. InshaAllah. My vision is to still perform the sunnah like i did before continously, becoming more humble and work hard to finish my phd studies.