Pernah Random?

Assalamualaikum

Rasanya lame sangat dah aku tak update entry yang terbaru. Bile baru nak bagi salam, kemudian terus save as a draft. Gitu la kisah berulang setiap kali kalau aku baru nak start menaip. Now, being Random, shall we? Aku slalu sangat hilang identity bila menaip. Hilang langkah dan kemudian menjadikan aku terus out dr dunia sebenar sebagai watak asal. Kejap nak style ini, kejap lagi kang nak yang itu plak. Dan yang kali ni??? Aku pun start la balik mencari identity lama. Kononnya genuine. -_-

Tinggalkan soal genuine atau x, tapi kali ni memang edisi random. Topic random tapi harap-harap entry dalam satu arah, tak la berterabur akal orang lain bila membaca. Cerita bermula dengan A, tengah-tengah entry B tapi penutup kisah AZ. Jauh melilau.

Nak bercakap tentang hal sendiri. Tapi berkaitan la dengan orang lain. Mungkin? Tentang yang mana harus dijadikan iktibar, atau yang mana harus menjadi ikutan. Entah, dalam keadaan hidup sekarang, yang mana aku sekarang seorang isteri dan mak kepada insan lain, banyak perkara yang harus ada dalam kepala sebelum tutup mata setiap malam. Pikiran tu boleh cakap, dalam diam pun kau akan rasa macam ade je yang tak selesai buat atau nak kene buat dengan cepat. Masa macam tak pernah cukup. Satu hari yang cepatnya la berjalan pergi. Kira-kira pernah dalam satu minggu, aku cuma rasa yang aku hidup dalam 2 hari. Faham tak macam mana? Lagi 5 hari macam hanyut tak sedar ke mana dah. Tapi ada sesetengah waktu yang aku tak sempat nak berpikir, aku dah terlelap kepenatan.

Betul la kata orang-orang yang dah rasa garam lebih awal ni. Ingat kerja suri rumah sepenuh masa mudah? Aku yang baru sebulan ni dah rasa mcam patah pinggang, sakit belakang. Kerja aku pagi-pagi mengikut urutan sampai la nak tidur malam:

Buat sarapan > kemas dapur > siapkan Umar lps abah dia mandikan > susukan Umar > siap-siap untuk makan tgahri + lunch Umar > masak > makan tghari + suapkan Umar > Zohor > kemas dapur balik + mop lantai> reheat untuk makan ptg Umar > rehat skjap > kmas depan > siapkan makan malam > kemas  kemas kemas kemas kemas…

Kesimpulannya aku tak pernah rasa rumah akan berkemas walaupun 20 kali aku buat kerja yang sama. Lantai mmg sekejap sgt akan rasa berminyak walaupun aku dah mop satu rumah. Dan aku paling tak tahan kalau aku pijak lantai tapi rasa melekit or berminyak. Memang agak sakit jiwa, tapi aku paksa jugak mop. Walaupun hari-hari. So Nampak mana tenaga aku hilang tak? Belum lagi layan Umar main, ajar words, ajar alif ba ta. Umar pun now kuat sgt susu, his growth spurt hitting back every month, jadi memang sentiasa kena ready. Kene beli booster untuk aku supaya sentiasa ada super power and jarang sakit or keletihan. tapi…. At the end of the day, kau rase seronok. Sebab, sentiasa ade next to your baby, ada rumah untuk masak dan kemas, dan happy tengok rumah bersih setiap hari. Seriously. Rasa paid off keletihan walaupun kau yang buat semua. Plus lagi seronok kalau husband compliment every meal yang kite prepare. Plus plus lagi, kalau anak habiskan makan. Hahahaha.

Itu hal seharian di rumah tentang kerja-kerja atas dunia. Tapi… untuk yang jadi bekalan kat sana tu jugak boleh jadi satu isu yang terbelenggu dalam hati, fikiran. Selalu doa supaya diberi sentiasa diberi hidayah dan petunjuk. Supaya sentiasa di atas jalan yang diredhaiNya. Tapi bila kadang-kadang dah penat sangat, solat automatic jadi tak fokus. Walaupun sebelum niat dah ade azam untuk fokus, last last terbabas jugak fikiran ke tempat lain. Kadang-kadang sampai lupa dah baca tahiyat awal atau tak. Dah teruk sangat. Memang aku admit, aku banyak kali diuji bila setiap kali aku mulakan hari dengan azam yang kuat untuk sentiasa solat awal dan khusyuk. Teruk sangat… bila fikir balik, aku kene jugak stop automatic semua kerja, dan terus ambil wudhu’ setiap kali lepas azan. Supaya ianya jadi tebiat. Pernah aku dengar bahawa Sesiapa yang solat di awal waktu, dia sentiasa mempunyai waktu yang cukup untuk perkara lain. Wallahualam. Tak salah aku, dengar tazkirah jugak ni. Dan satu lagi, solat menggambarkan peribadi kehidupan seharian kita. Kalau solat nak cepat dan taka da toma’ninah, ibarat kita sentiasa nak cepat dalam sesuatu kerja dan kurang kualiti. Kalau kita sering lambat solat, bermaksud kita sering siapkan kerja lebih waktu yang ditetapkan. Dan kalau kita lupa rakaat, kita sememangnye tak fokus dalam kerja. Jadi aku selalu ade semua tu. Alangkah teruk betul menjadi aku. -__-

Berazam supaya Allah dengar doa dan kabulkan permintaan aku. Aku minta supaya aku sentiasa dalam lindunganNya termasuk la anak dan suami serta keluarga ku. Supaya Islam tidak tertindas, supaya Melayu sedar diri, supaya anak aku mendengar kata dan menjadi hafiz seperti yang slalu aku doa semasa dalam kandungan lagi. Supaya Umar menjadi pejuang Islam yang tegakkan agamanya. InshaAllah anak ini akan sentiasa menenangkan jiwa kedua ibu bapanya dan menjadi contoh untuk adik beradik yang lain dan jugak umat lain. Amin.

So, itu je ceritaa entry kali ni. terpanjangkan?

Selamat semua.

Assalamualaikum.

If only you miss me

Assalamualaikum

Well I am back. bagus la nya selepas beberape bulan baru nak muncul balik. Muncul balik dgn title mama & student. -___- sunggul cool (tpi emoticon sebaliknye). hahahaha.

hari ni story pasal ape? dangg. okay, updates on my baby would be one of it. Umar now is reaching 4 months old. So far, i am truly happy with his developments. Die sangat active, cheeky, friendly, and quick learner. I believe he has good potential to be someone one day. Amin. to compare his physical with other same age babies, i think dia ikut abah dia kot. heeeeee. rendang but cute. i dont care as long as my baby is healthy. So far, Umar tak pernah demam or selsema. After jab pun still standing strong like nothing happen. Nowadays, both of us dah start bagi flashcard untuk die belajar. kenal words, alif sampai ya, objects and others. he started to concentrate on things that we show to him. walaupun kadang-kadang die ngantuk, but still attend to what we are trying to show him. Umar likes Upin Ipin too.. hahaha, skrg muka die pun i rasa dh nak sama dengan watak Ipin Upin dgn rambut sikit dkt atas kepala too. He is quite heavy too. Kuat susu. talking bout milk, im trying to increase my supply sbb kdg-kdg i am not well discipline when comes to pumping. tpi many say that u should DL to increase ur supply. so weekend je la i start nk buat balik PP. :)

Nextttttttttt........

My research work? Holla. i am now in RPD mode. btw, tgah nak completekan BAPC which is the annual conference for all PG students. Its  a must for all or else xde grade la utk this semester. Thinking of what to expand more in composite structures area. must be hard ya thinking sampai ke sudah, last-last jumpe idea dlm toilet. not sooo cooooooool -__________- (major nsc). Research mode still tgh increase the pace. oh, my dear friend nak start her phd journey this coming july. when i heard the news, i was like >___________<  Major yeaaaaaaaaaaaaay! now i have a lady company (instead of my husband) to mingle around. dulu ade nana, and now she is staying in kl. So when adha moves here later, we are like 3 stooges. haahaha. okay, i pray to God that Nana will found her prince charming and later decide to stay in tronoh and build their family and have kids and work here together (bla bla bla).. like tak berkembang betul social aku ni. pusing-pusing the same faces i see. hahahhaa. anyway, its good to be close with yr best buddy sebab ko tak payah nak cerita some part of yr private life from the beginning till tak tau when will end to  a now people kan??? i get my fact right kan? hahahhaa. She was my roommate since we started our master sampai la now nak jadi residentmates. gile crazy perempuan ni, sbb she asked me to ask people nearby nak sewa rumah. aku la jadi mangsa. who else la ade kat sini kan???

So to conclude all,

i am satisfied with what i have for now, Thanks to the Almighty who ease my journey. susah senang memang ada, but alhamdulillah we manage to face our challenges together. whatever happens, we learn from it. mistakes make us stronger to face other higher difficulties. The more He tests us, the stronger we would be.

thats it from me,

if only you miss me.......... :| (major plain)

Bye.

Assalamualaikum.

A. M. Umar bin M. Affiq

Love u to moon then surround the universe!!

Higher than u cant expect

Assalamualaikum....

I wish i could write it anytime i want, whenever the idea pop out like this time-- at this moment... i believe this is the only medium that i could express my feelings, my thoughts of any issue, critically criticize in any aspects it should be criticize.

I--- should never question a holiness of someone which is superior than me in which their level are beyond my degree of authority. When they are higher in ranking of respect, i expect them to teach me or at least i learn a lot of positive life values to be applied in my future. But then, when comes the unethical values potrayed in their action; i started to question the holiness of the person. In return, the respect u have for that kind of person, will decrease. I am not sure if you can understand this, but let me give you an example. If to debate on religion point of view, u would never argue with an ustaz or ustazah which we know that they are expert in that area and when they slightly done any mistake in the public, people will smack them down like they never ever did any good things before. That is how the reaction of our society towards this kind of issue. You must show a good example to the people around you so that no finger will be pointed towards you on inappropriate actions.

So, here in my case, i am no longer a toddler that can be cheated on any result you made. I am here to judge and i can value myself what kind of people you are. This is general principle ethics that you must always think good of others, never make any speculation towards others unless you witness yourself the wrongdoings they have made. But that is still not enough to drop any conclusion that a person is bad. Its your eyes that may trick you. I always wanted my now and future to be different from what i was raised. To change the negativity mindset into positive ones.. too much influence from badmouth people will destroy our peaceful mind and judgement. So stay away from this people.

In 2015; i wish and work to become a better person than i am before. Become an understanding mother to my dearest son, splendid wife to my lovable husband and a pious slave to my Creator. InshaAllah. My vision is to still perform the sunnah like i did before continously, becoming more humble and work hard to finish my phd studies.

;)

Its Holiday Time

Assalamualaikum

Its not that im being fancy of the holiday festive this time. But i am super excited cause i can be free for awhile at Malacca. Since the problem i had few weeks ago (regarding my CE), i has been unmotivated to go to work or doing my phd research. My mind was suffocating thinking of the consequences from CE. But, it was not for so long. I realized the strength we obtained from Tahajjud prayer and that is where i become more calm. In Tahajjud itself tell us many benefits that we can get. just refer from the video below. and i more i could add, whenever i recite the Qur'an, i can memorize anything easily and my thinking skills increased in its capacity. hahaha. but actually its true.

So, today, we will going back to Malacca and spend our weekend there plus i need to attend the antenatal check up in PH. I am now in my 32 weeks (8 months) and there are 8 more weeks before my baby is born.. I am super excited and at the same time feeling nervous and apprehensive. I hope we are in a good condition and have no problem at this stage till the end.


As for now, i need to speed up my phd work. more and more preparations have to be done before my maternity leave. at least i am not feeling guilty for doing nothing in 2 months. :)

See you guys in the next entry.


Assalamualaikum.

 

Convocation 2014. The time to upgrade your academic qualification.

Assalamualaikum..

Selesai sudah convo semalam. Sangat penat tapi berbaloi. sebab dapat spend masa bersama family. hahaha, i brought my baby upstairs too. Excited walaupun careful betul. yela, dah sarat orang cakap. Alhamdulillah, tadi pagi pun dah pegi antenatal check up dekat GH Ipoh. Results from pap smear the other day showed that it was not serious. Cervical bleeding mungkin sebab perubahan hormon. okay, i am not into this medical profession so i cant talk much about the biological circulation happened in my body. hahahahaha.


Convocation this year was not as big picture i could describe compared to three years ago. The first time always become the most exciting time. But this year even though i have to restrain my movement, but it was a calm moment to me. People noticed my baby bump and let me sat whenever we queue. Yeah, tiring for 2 hours session of standing. Once i stepped into the chancellor hall, i felt relieved. pheww. i saw the chairs and it means rest for me. lalalala. The ceremony ended at almost 1800. i quickly get my parents and husband for photoshoot at nearby studio.


after numbers of frame, we headed home to pray. that was too late for us and honestly i could say that the evening session should ended more early. Cut all the unrelated performances to save more time for muslim to perform their solat. Even the ceremony started at 2.30, but we (the graduates) have to come 2 hours early. hate it. lagi-lagi i nak jalan pun lambat. naik stairs pun kene careful. or it is just me who have such complain while others x kisah? hurm.. but its okay sbb that is my personal two cents.


So here are some photos we took before and during the ceremony.

Me with my superbestfriend/hubsy/soulmate

me with you-know-who/roommate/crazybuddy/bestfriend

So that is the update from ceremony. See you next entry.


:)


Assalamualaikum

Dah agak dah!

Assalamualaikum...

saja ambil masa untuk rehat ni dengan blogging sekejap. tengah kejang kaki so malas nak baca journals tuh. Heee.. actually mase pregnant ni selalu vb (vaginal bleeding). dah dekat 5 kali rasanya. so each time jadik hal tu jadi seram sangat each time rasa sakit kat bawah perut. punya la berhati-hati buat kerja. sikit pun xde nak lasak-lasak macam dulu.

few times before raya. and after raya sekali. dalam masa dua bulan. but the heaviest blood flow mase puasa. sangat tragic. that time happened around 5 a.m. after sahur, hubby terus hantar ke hospital walaupun at first neglect jugak nak pergi GH. mula-mula nak pergi je pantai hospital tapi fikir balik dua tiga kali, terus cancel. sebab once ckp vb mesti ade thorough check up and i hate it when diorang nak buat ape-ape test. i scared if moderate case become serious case. so sebab tu batalkan hasrat nak pergi ph. Gh pun jadi la. bile check, nasib la semuanya okay and baby pun okay. after two days, bleeding stop. lega sangat.

Fikir punya fikir, baru teringat yang a day before all bleeding, makan durian. masa paling banyak makan mase puasa. sebab i cannot fast, then apa je favorite terus nak makan. kebetulan dalam fridge memang ade stock durian. that time i remembered that i ate almost sebiji durian. memang banyak. -_____________-

masa raya pun makan durian lagi. yang lagi fresh makan lepas jatuh dr pokok terus makan. rumah makcik memang ada pokok durian, pokok buah-buah lain pun banyak. tukang kopek buah pun ramai. jadi tinggal makan. 

so now, bleeding dah tak ada. terus tak nak dah makan durian. pernah gak baca dekat blog orang lain yang dia gugur lepas makan durian. masa tu usia kandungan dia baru 2 bulan lebih. so sekarang ni kene careful la dengan apa yang di makan masa pregnant ni. plus hb sy pun rendah dah skrg ni. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

hopefully my baby will stays healthy in my belly. kicking all day long shows that he is so active and healthy. love you baby. mama and abah love you so much!!

the big family from Ismail's clan

i always love you hubby... :)

Not Enough Rest

Assalamualaikum

Im back. Dah Ramadhan baru muncul. Tapi puasa kali ni tak macam taun-taun lepas. memang kene cuti sebab tak tahan nak tanggung gastrik n migrain. pheww...smpai ke hari ni cuma dua hari je lepas. This morning went to clinic for monthly checkup, xjmpe doktor pun, then nurse and monthly routine kene check darah nak make sure darah okay. banyak sgt term smpai refer nurse kenape kene highlight. just to make sure yg next appointment result lagi better. So far, Hb yang makin menurun, sampai ferum pun diorang bagi suruh makan dua biji dua kali sehari. double tuuuu. 

Perut selalu sgt lapar. dh jadi macam kebiasaan. Mcam monster asik makan je tapi berat aku seriously tak naik pun. maintain 55kg jugak. tpi tadi sebab takut kene bebel dengan nurse, aku measure weight sekali dengan hp and brg lain dlm pocket., hehehe. naikla 200 gram. hahaha. jadi la dri langsung xnaik. tapi mase pregnant ni makan memang xde selera sgt. Aku just bleh makan dengan selera kalau makanan masam or pedas. yang lain tak terbayang langsung nak makan. kalau ade sambal sket pun dh jadi dah. Last week balik kampung Temerloh sebab berbuka dengan the whole family sblh husband, mmg meriah. so lauk semua masak pedas sebab ramai kat sana yang jenis makan pedas except family members husband. itupun tak dapat nak makan banyak. sebab dah penat satu hari tu. sampai ke malam letihnye, perut pun dh start rase tak best. sakit macam sengal dekat otot. Kalau bab toilet, tak yah cerita, average ke toilet dah 20-30 kali. even tengah malam akan terjaga dari pukul 12 smpai pukul 4. hahahahhaa. kelakar betul la bile ade orang cerita yang certain perempuan dh tak larat asik pergi toilet setiap masa sampai kencing je kat tilam or pakai pampers. bayangkanlah yang rumah dua tingkat xde toilet kat atas, mesti la penat nak turun naik tangga. 

Tapi my instinct dh kuat mengatakan yang inside my womb is a handsome baby boy. Entah la, tapi takut kang scan baby girl. So skrg ni belum ader persiapan beli apa2 lagi sebab baru 4 months. Tggu 5 months onward la baru survey and bli brg baby. Looking forward nak pergi baby expo, sebab ramai cakap sale and murah sangat compare to dekat store or online. 

Study? dh start dah research. phd is quite challenging but im still in the beginning stage so Alhamdulillah masih okay. reviews je la setiap hari. official phd start belum lagi tapi since dah free masa ni, start prepare awal. Here comes the 3 years journey to become a doctor. InshaAllah. Semoga Dia permudahkan segala kesulitan. :)

Itu je la. Panjang sgt dah tulis.

Selamat berpuasa dan bertarawikh semua. :)

Assalamualaikum.

I sometimes talk rubbish

Assalamualaikum

Hope everyone enjoy the day. Yeah, its Friday where everyone is waiting for. Rasa sama je hari ni dengan hari lain. hahaha. mungkin sebab mood swing. Yesterday, we went to Ipoh. Alasan sebab nak guna voucher buku on certain books. Since now we can only redeem the voucher for books ONLY, (no stationaries, or note books, etc) so i decided nak pilih buku on pregnancy and other religion  books. It was disappointing when the books i looked for were not in the store. Hmmm just store yang besar but most are chinese books. okay i dont understand pinyin. -_____-

So we mingled around Ipoh Parade. xlama sebab so many people. it was Labor Day so everyone shopping la kot. sale was everywhere. after that, pergi makan. i was craving for makanan bersup and fikirkan tom yam was the right choice. tpi the best tom yam i had  is in Johnnys or Black Canyon. restaurant tu pun ade dekat Jusco Kinta. Malasnya la nak pergi mall lain dengan parking yang susah nak carik, Labor Day kan, confirm ramai. lepas kene Q pulak. okay cancel la plan pegi sana. Husband suggested that we go to Nasi Ayam Kampung je. Okay la walaupun masa dia cakap terus terbayang and rasa loya balik. sebab terfikirkan toilet dia yang smelly. Da*n it. Hahaha. xpela. pergi je sebab tak de gune toilet pun at the moment. Ordered my seafood tomyam. Okayla. walaupun x banyak die punye seafood asalkan tekak okay, i am fine with it. Husband of course western meal aje die tu. Lately i cannot tahan spaghetti which whenever i thought about it, tekak rasa mual and confirm rasa nak muntah. hahahhaa. please. Another thing, husband pun asik craving for fast food. sebelum ni kalau cakap nak makan sekali je. if tak dapat its okay. ini berhari-hari asik cakap nak kfc. okay pergila beli walaupun tak lalu jugak nak makan. in this case, what can i do is to swallow food in a small amount and dont think much of food i eat. hahahah kalau x confirm semuanya terbuang. huhuhuhu. anyway, this pregnancy term is really fun. walaupun yang tak cool adelah asik nak vomit. u can experience so many things yang tak pernah terfikir akan experience. the morning sickness, the nipple soreness, the what else?? hahahahhaa. yet to continue..

thats all. i rambling much now.

Hope you enjoy yr weekend. Im going to KL to attend a friend's wedding. Bye bye.

Assalamualaikum

Dah start dah

Assalamualaikum

Last week we were in Malacca, my hometown. Husband was sick due to kidney stone. This was the second time he had the symptoms after two years and we decided to go back on Thursday and have alternative medical check up in Malacca. i suggest if anybody yg rasa sakit yang sama, better go there sbb inshaAllah sesuai. 

This time, i am in my 6 weeks of pregnancy. Okay i should tell u that my sense of food has started to become extreme. I no longer can stand my fav food even the husband ate it, i could feel it sticking in my throat. Lol. Sometimes i have this pain in my tummy, which is the combination of cramps, bloating and ligament stretching, plus the nausea at the thought of food but at the same time feeling hungry is just confusing. i try to enjoy every moment but then i surrender. hahahaha. the best thing is i should not complain. there are some woman out there trying hard to conceive and i had this chance given by the Almighty, so i should not complain but feeling grateful to Him. i thought of having pregnancy diary but its hard to find. could anybody suggest?

so thats it for this entry. i have no more idea to write. 

:)

that night, i was here at 4.30 a.m. Luckily kak Haiza was awake and sent us to GH

the author

The dates

Assalamualaikum

Here are some of the photos of the recent trip to Cameron Highland with my close buddy. And this was a day before i knew that i.....

Officially ............

Assalamualaikum

hey, hope this blog still remember its owner, to be specific, the author. hahaha. since i was away at home where the internet connection is hard to reach, therefore, no updates for several days. however, i am still sound and safe. hahahaha.

last week, i visited the clinic to confirm my pregnancy. even the same routine i did done by the doctor, you always wanna here the statements coming out from a doctor itself. She congratulated me for the 5 weeks pregnancy. at first, i was so shocked as i tested myself and after confirmed by the doctor, i relieved. how bout the husband? He still in the state of blurriness. hahahaha. i am not sure how he feels now. mungkin belly kene besar baru die start rasa more excited. hahahhaa

so, thats all. its still early. no baby bump yet. i learned that at this stage, the embryo is growing at furious state. the size of the embryo is just as a sesame seed. so tiny. but it develops quick. wait for another few more weeks and i can have my belly scanned.  :)


hope you enjoy your day.


Assalamualaikum.

Am i expecting?

Assalamualaikum,

Hai, few days without any entry. guess what? im home for the past few days and never came to the office. i was so tired and last night susah sangat nak tido sbb dada rasa berat. Susah nak bernafas. phewww.. i need to inhale deeply. so smlm tido pun tak sedar pukul brape. plus last night i felt so cold.

two days ago, on Monday, i had urine test. i bought the upt test from shell before went to Cameron Highland. tengok harga murah, so i bought one without having intention to seriously have the pregnancy test. so on Monday morning, i woke up around 6.30 went to the toilet. i brought along the upt test kit and saje-saje nak test even my period suppose to be another two days. kira early two days i made the test. So, after test, i saw the C line appear very quick and i said okay.. no chance cause there is no T line appear. but then... after several seconds, ternampak mcm line yang kabur dekat T. so i said, ehhh ni pregnant ke???? i was shocked.

terus cepat pergi dkt my husband and showed him. mase tu die tengah tido lagi and i said, "eh betul ke ni,, cube check.." dia pun suruh on the light. he was surprised and confidently said i am positively pregnant. But its hard to believe till now cause the previous period, i thought i was conceived and had more than 5 times of pregnancy test but all failed. so this time, its hard to believe im expecting. I need to have a medical checkup first and since today is pasar malam day, and im going to the wet market, i will pick the upt test as well and perhaps try with the expensive upt test to make sure its positive. or else i will be in dilemma. hahahaha

i have so many Cameron Highland and Ulu Kenas photos to be posted but i guess i am so lazy to transfer here. the pregnancy syndrome perhaps??

hahahaha

wait till it is confirmed.

Ya Ya, What To Do

Assalamualaikum.

Hope everyone is doing fine. well, i woke so early this morning. As early 5 a.m, i woke up all of sudden and feel energized. Perhaps i slept early as well. when the husband slept at 10 last night, i decided to spend some time finishing his candy crush level and i failed. hahahaa, so went to bed it is!.

i cooked this morning. Made his favorite spicy butter chicken and mix veges. i brought the meals to the office so that we would not spent much buying lunch. :)

today, i shall complete my rehearsal. need to practise in front of him today. i planned to have the mock viva with my sv tomorrow.

wish me luck.

oh well, yesterday i talked to my mil and i felt extra blessed. :) 

thats all. have a nice day everyone.

Assalamualaikum

i want it. i still want it

Assalamualaikum

i am in a battle to be all focus on preparing the viva presentation. physically im fit to deliver the speech, however, i don't think my mental is healthy enough to remember all those lines.

they said: "you dont have to remember all the lengthy sentences!, u have to keep them alive in your mind. you have to understand that, then it will flows out like heavy dense rain" 

OMG, okay, you said it so easy like eating cashew nuts, yeah, thats easy cause u just use your saliva to swallow and munch with additional feeling to eat but it doesnt mean its easy to have a right feeling in front of the judges! you get what i mean???

whenever i think i am ready, i will be far away from the ready line! i feel like i am thousand miles away to keep myself on the track.

what if the judges ask about the evidence of this approach is the best?

what if the judges ask me to write all those equations on the board?

what if the judges tell me that i am not confident with my results?

what if... bla bla bla???

all those criminal questions will linger in my mind before i sleep. every single night! (but not after the viva i guess!)

i am traumatic sometimes.

even feel down and gloom.

and then i realize who i should tell this story on.

The only time that i always cry when i tell all my *stories* is when i pray.

but not in all prayer.... -__-

and i feel guilty.

once i achieved the best moment in my life, i will rejoice and no longer pray as hard as i want when i am in my terrible state. but when the calamity strikes me, i will be there on the praying mat crying and appealing to my God. 

i feel so sinful. its like two faces. do you get what i mean?

i dont know what else should i write.

the best thing now is to regret what i have done..

everyone is neither perfect. and im too far away from Him, the Almighty.

i wish that i could be in an isolated place far away from any person and i can prostrate as long as i can. 

....................

Hey 'man' Hat

assalamualaikum

Today, i think, its one of the hardest day. early in the morning i was triggered by unexpected issue and its really uncompromised to my tolerance level. In normal response, i will erupted like a volcano, but to my surprise, i handle this issue with the highest calmness that i have. i didn't know which part of my brain functioning higher that its expected level but i really can handle the situation-- hey, i act like a man. 

so i need to put this "man" hat every time other 'this-kind-of' issue happens. 

So, should i end my day with a latte later? just to reward myself?

:)

Twisted

Assalamualaikum

Yeah, its like two posts in a day. Macam tak ada kerja. But im having a thought of posting so why should delay plus im in the mood to post. bla bla bla. okay. its not that important but i have some sort of words to share so here it is.

Okay.

ookay.

Inhale.......

Exhale..................

Its hard actually.

semacam ini. sebenarnye apa yang saya nak kongsikan mungkin menjadi satu tanggapan kurang senang kepada sesetengah individu tetapi percayalah bahawasanya, ini adalah benar. Saya selalu ingin menjadi seperti orang lain yang mana setiap kali jika saya melihat mereka, kehidupan mereka sungguh alive. mereka seperti iconic dan menjadi pujaan ramai. plus being a public figure and muka cantik, badan slim, attire from top to toe semua bombastic, i am totally envy! 

tetapi...........

tetapi...........................

setiap perkara yang saya katakan tadi tentang menjadi icon, akan disangkal dengan pelbagai alasan yang sangat munasabah bagi saya sendiri.

Saya xnak menjadi icon sebab become the middle of attention akan buat saya tak selesa di kemudian hari. saya tak nak keluar dalam blog orang lain, saya tak nak diperkatakan baik atau buruk, saya tak nak diperhatikan, saya tak nak menjadi reference kepada orang sebab saya tak yakin/confident sebab saya tak ada kualiti tinggi yang harus ditonjolkan atau menjadi rujukan (you should ask my parents testimony, owh i have bad records, too many of em)

Muka saya tak berapa harus dibanggakan melainkan pakai make up. okay boleh naik satu stage lagi untuk menjadi okay, tapi saya tak nak pakai make up all the time sebab kulit saya sangat sensitif. saya tak banyak duit untuk beli barang make up. (ohh tapi kalau dah popular, selalu kene sponsor untuk promote products). 

Badan saya tak lagi slim seperti dulu. kalau dulu 47 kg, kini boleh tambah lagi 10 ye. owhh sangat memilukan. tapi dalam diam saya nak kuruskan badan sebab bile pakai baju besar sangat selesa. sangat berangin dan saya tak perlu risau takut baju ketat.

Baju saya tak penuh satu rak. Balik balik ulang baju yang sama kalau keluar kenduri, shopping. cuma mungkin tudung lain. saya banyak koleksi tudung. tapi persoalan lain juga, saya tak akan keluar dengan berhelai-helai baju di badan hanya untuk pergi ke kedai makan, attend ceremony ataupun pergi mall. saya tak gemar beraksesori dari atas ke bawah. that is so not me. ibarat saya perlu habiskan satu botol sabun dynamo atau top dalam masa tak sampai sebulan. bayangkan pula dengan pelembut downy? akan habis kurang seminggu dengan botol kecik tu. saya tak sanggup berkorban untuk kekal trendy ke mana-mana. itu sangat bukan saya.

dan akhirnya..

akhirnya...

saya kekal dalam keadaan ini. saya fikirkan, saya harus menjadi saya dan ubah untuk jadi apa yang Dia mahu. Dia mahukan kesederhanaan dalam setiap pekerjaan atau perbuatan. Dia mahukan wanita bukan menjadi sebagai 'center of attention' kerana wanita itu aurat. hanya tapak tangan dan muka sahaja yang boleh diperlihatkan. 

bagi saya menutup aurat itu seksi. sangat seksi. (definisi saya).

bila saya lihat diri saya sebelum saya berkahwin, saya geleng kepala. -___- tak tahu apa yang ada dalam fikiran waktu itu. tak tahu ape yang saya fikirkan. namun, saya syukur. sekurang-kurangnya saya sedar dan hidayah Allah telah sampai pada saya. saya mengharapkan agar hidayah itu sentiasa dikurniakan kepada saya supaya saya sentiasa beringat bahawa saya dan hambanya yang lain adalah manusia yang hina dan masih jauh lagi dari mendekatiNya. 

ujian itu banyak. 

terlalu banyak sehingga saya terduduk menangis kerana leka dan lupa. Tapi yang membuat saya lebih sedih, kerana Dia sentiasa ada dalam setiap kesusahan. dan apabila saya merayu dalam keadaan yang paling teruk saya alami, Dia mendengar dan suka dengan setiap rayuan. Mintalah apa sahaja kebaikan, inshaAllah diperkenankan. Cumanya masa. Dia tahu bila mahu diberi, dan Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita semua.

saya tahu masa saya dan yang lain tidak lama. 

entah saya rasakan kiamat itu semakin hampir. Wallahualam.

dengan apa yang terjadi sekarang, cukup buat saya khuatir, ada lagi kesempatan untuk saya mencukupkan amalan saya?

hanya Dia Maha Mengetahui.

Semoga kita semua mendapat hidayahNya. Tidak pernah terlambat untuk kita memohon keampunan dariNya.

Allah itu Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Mengasihi.

Assalamualaikum..

KTM Batu Gajah, Perak. waiting for my husband to arrive.

dah pandai minum air pelik. pandan layer tea // chocolate bubble

i love him till the end of my life

saya // husband

Missing You

Assalamualaikum.

Last night i heard the news which shocked every Malaysian especially the passenger's relatives. Sedih sangat sampai sebelum tidur i still teringat some of the faces. Dan kebetulan memang last night i was alone. Husband was away in KL to attend conference. He will be in KL for two days according to the actual plan. tapi kalau tetibe ade tambahan agenda, i will be alone for another additional days. tak best langsung!

i stay at Mdm Khalidah's house for two nights sebab sy takut tido sorang dalam rumah.

Gosh. lagipun sebelah rumah tak de orang. kalau rumah teres okay lagi, ni rumah bungalow yang bersebelahan dengan semak samun. owh. okay, tak kelakar sangat nak tido sorang.

So dua hari ni makan and tidur sorang.

have a good day everyone.

Another Day, Another Meal

Assalamualaikum,

Hope everyone is doing fine while I am struggling with migraine and other crucial tasks. two different matters that require stability and well, i cant get enough rest. this migraine has started since yesterday evening and this morning hubby bought some kuih and i decided to have nap after taking two tablet of panadol. i slept well and woke up after few hours. the migraine gone and i rushed to clean the clothes and do other chores. phewww, penat sgt. when i heard a woman can multitask, this is exactly right. like im doing several jobs in a single time frame and at the end i collapse. hahaha. 

i wonder how i manage my time when i have kids around. see, i accidentally put (s) to kids cause he wants as many children as he can. well enough said husband! I am the one who carry the baby inside my womb and u know how much tiring i have to suffer???? hahaha. (joking, i want many kids too!)

we will be going to Malacca tomorrow right after working hours. so, it will be another hectic weekend. wedding in JB. No updates for several days i guess.

:)

enjoy your coming weekend everyone.

Assalamualaikum

maggi goreng for dinner last night. healthy much cause i made my own style using corn oil.

spicy butter chicken and husband said its not spicy at all? 

Sweet Escape

Assalamualaikum.

hope everyone is in the pink of health. Well currently i am here breathing happily and back to my normal routine from crack to the dawn. I will be presenting my research soon. Wish me all the best so that this 30 minutes presentation will be enough for the panel judges to satisfy and pass my master degree! Amin. 

I just came back from Temerloh-PortDickson trip. Only Allah knows how tiring this trip was. But my husband and i had a whale of a time during this four days week off. Despite the long time of traveling, i guess 7 hours of slept last night were more than sufficient. We attended his sister's convocation at Poli PD and we wished that she will further her studies for another level. :) Congratulations on your convocation and may this year we will celebrating the convocation together. :)

just some interlude...

1. I realized that whenever we came back from anywhere and recited the ayat-Qursi before stepping into the house, we feel warmer and calmer at the same time. when there is potential of misunderstanding of an issue, it will end up peacefully. We were told by my father-in-law this routine may keep our home peacefully and stop the entrance of the devils into the house. InshaAllah if we keep practising this attitude, we will prevent any bad aura around us. :)

2. i do also realized that we seldom had our selfies together. hahaha. perhaps we dont even think of taking photos together whenever we are doing anything or perhaps our mind are so dense with other matters? cause i recently noticed most of my married girl friends always posted their photo together with their loved one's so it made me a little jealous. hahaha. 

3. My husband use to drive so fast like he is in drift lane or what? i sometimes feel uneasy with this situation where he keep his acceleration going linearly as if the maximum speed is unlimited!. it drives me up the wall!. this is so contradicting to his manner during our early relationship before we were married.

4. We still haven't experienced our honeymoon yet so... i am thinking of Mecca & Madina. :) Pray to Him that He granted our wish. 

thats it.

i have to go.

please count, less that 3 weeks to my viva date!

Assalamualaikum

We had this last Monday

Extremely cheap if to compare during our CD in UTP

Us :)

sepatutnye balik awal tau???

assalamualaikum.

alkisahnya kene balik ari ni selepas office hour tpi mmndgkan husband sy masih lagi terkontang kanting cri correction factor.... maka bertangguh tak tau smpai bile. bila first dah set mood nak balik jauh and tetbe tertangguh or tukar plan ke, mood die terus swing jauhh sgt. hahaha. takpe, seb baik cepat ingatkan diri sendiri yang semua plan approve by Him,the Almighty.. :)

perut makin bertambah bulat dan besar .... sebab banyak makan angin dan lemak. 

nak pegi gym, macam tak boleh lagi.

nak maen squash, confirm pengsan sampai pagi.

nak yoga lah mcm tu.!

dua tiga hari semangat la..

tengok nanti lepas dua pluh tiga pluh hari.

pengsan!

:)