Thursday, February 1, 2018

All About MiniMe

Assalamualaikum and holla!

Its me.


its friday and nobody is here. i mean literally nobody here. the past two days were holiday-- so many of us took leave till friday but me. kalaula aku apply jugak cuti hari ini confirm-confirm la atok tu mengamuk dan perli-perli. his mind cannot tolerate the absence of two engineers at the same time. (sorng lagi engineer tak perlu kira, i guess his presence means nothing to anyone, seriously he is so annoying as shit,!) astaghfirullahalazim.  seriously i easily get pissed if his name or figure come across my mind even just for a second!


okay, back to the topic.

i have many days to babysit my baby actually minus the weekend when my husband is working. yeah. he works on Saturday! 

i get the chance myself to be so close with Umar. at this age, his charming personality comes to life when he likes me to piggyback him and whenever he wanna sleeps, he will urge me to follow him and pat him to sleep. no more Abah. previous, that was Abah's chore every single night. now no more. hahaha, cause Abah tak akan layan cakap - cakap dengan dia before sleep. But, he insists me to sing, or spell words, or crack jokes, or anything that can makes him giggle. hahaha. only then he will  turn to face me and get so close to me while holding his bottle and fell asleep on his own. sometimes his tiny fingers linger around my eyes or lips or anything that he feel want to touch. sometimes, if he's too tired, it just takes 10 mins for him to doze off. my charming little boy. i wonder how he will be when its time to enter school, or when he sits for UPSR. or when he's in undergraduate studies. oh my, how is it when he has someone he likes and loves and he then has to tell me all his secret things. but, i always picture that he has siblings that so close. i dont have really wonderful siblings relationship so i hope i can plant them from the day Umar has his brother / sister. i believe, every parents has to guide and nature the positive vibes so that the will understand and help each other even the parents are gone. 


To Umar,

Mama always be by your side even my presence no longer exist in this world. u need to know that every prayer, i always for your betterness, for you to be Hafiz, to be a true leader that lead the Ummah. and there is reason why i named you Umar. Believe in yourself that every hurdle has the solution and you must stay strong even everyone around you pull you down.


till now sayang. 


Deerland Park, Lanchang  (Dec 31st, 2017)




Sunday, January 14, 2018

Bleed

Title sounds cliche.

Assalamualaikum and good morning everyone.

Last post is still this month. so it means, im progressing well. dont ya think? 

just to share few things that i ponder.

does it feel hard for you to stop and think before you ever spit a word? words sometimes take forever to heal if you ever hurt someone feeling.

i know, sometimes misunderstanding can create deeper and wider trench between two parties. forgiveness make them seal. however, all cracks might join together but there is still small gap between each joint. such as a broken pretty vase will no longer look the same after its being fixed.


so, mind your tongue. careful. you have built the most beautiful relationship for many years, yet it only takes you a second to split them forever.


Assalamualaikum.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

2k18 and You!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


Hai people. its 2018. how time flies when i last posted here. anyway, i hope everyone enjoy the opening of 2018 and have lots of ambitious plan for the future ahead. hope the plan goes well.

meanwhile, as i officially turn 29 when 1st Jan arrived, i feel i am too old to have a celebration. i feel no excitement in celebrating thus i pray to God that He bless me in every good deed i made. if  still live in yr chequered past, this is the time now for you to move forward. i am bless of what i have now, of what i achieved (even its too small for everyone to notice, but of course i dont ask for anyone to see the outcome only to believe, and i am far from being proud-- of course), of the supportive family and colleagues. i could not asking for more but always pray for the betterment in me and the rest of the world. life is too short that we dont even know our expiry date.

since 2018 is getting challenging, i wish and work hard to stand strong and trudge any obstacles nor hindrance. live yr life religiously and inshaAllah He always there to hear and listen from yr every wish and doa.



Happy New Year to everyone, Happy living yourlife wholeheartedly!

you who can change the way you wanna be! and stay Positive babe!


Assalamualaikum w.b.t.


-H.Farha H.-

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Don't Count On Anyone

Assalamualaikum

As per today, i have the best ride to work as usual. I dont exactly know how to describe the feeling --- of riding together to work-- i would best relate it to intimacy/the closeness. Surely it is one of surreal thing.

I arrived late. 3 minutes delayed. The first red mark on my punch card. i care not to this matter. hahahaha.


Secondly, a news i received from someone higher (in authority) which brings the dullness all of sudden. i hate to say this, or even to think of this more than i should do. I just want to say this, DonT count on other especially when it relates to your work. i discovered myself on why other person can misjudge you because of your innocent wrongdoings. its clear that i can see some of this irresponsible people that do harm "unintentionally".

i dont wanna be the eternal judge on this matter. Let Him do His work cause He knows everything than we did.



Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Panic Cramp?

its like hitting me out of nowhere. it seems the word is not real but using it seems to be so cool. that is my personal view. so i just finished emceeing and its kinda thrill at first. after 20 minutes (in general) i started to get the vibe in controlling my voice, my tone, my pace and everything while reading the text. to be honest, and its obvious too that i have no talent to become the emcee. its just that the turn has come and i have to do that. if not now, sooner or later, i still NEED to be the emcee. my partner is good. i mean, he was nervous too. but for the sake of our TURN, i surrender myself with no complain. hahaha.


coming back to the office, i started to feel curious. i really don't know why i always be in an awkward feeling among the officers. they are the juniors who recently work in the branch and whenever i speak to my assistant, their friends will giggle and it seems to me that there is some story being spread behind me. sometimes, it does disturb my feeling. being my assistant, there are a lot of task to be done quickly, you need to rush, you have no proper meal time, i do so. so if i can do that, you too have to the same. we work in equivalent work load. no more, and no less. i even did myself for tasks which i prefer to do own my own.

I hope this ends quick. i really have no time to think of it deeper. the sooner it disappear, the better it will be.

i just want to stop now.

im having this menstrual cramp.

and actually it is the menstrual cramp im having. not a panic cramp!.

I am panic because i need to write this.


THE END.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Hello 2016

Assalamualaikum

I think i wrote the wrong title for this post, since its almost end of the year. Hahaha. showing how short minded my mind is. Well, i have been wanting to write since ages... But, the post end up in the draft (as usual).


I have been wanting to write now.

But, sort of loosing ideas.


Just thinking of my son. He is unwell. Having flu and hard to sleep last night. I only had 4 hours sleep last night and we were so worried that his temperature raised. This morning, he seems better and i hope he can recover sooner.


Well, he is not really adapt to this metropolitan air (i guess). This dense city is so crowded and polluted and i forgot that i should not bring my kid in the public like we always did when in Tronoh. Here, a bit suffocating. and I feel deranged too (sometimes). Fortuitously, we managed to have a place to rent nearby greenly area.


Note to myself: I need to always remember to think twice, thrice before deciding to go outing with my boy. Look for spacious and comfortable place so that we can breath cleaner air. hahaha



Till then, Assalamualaikum..

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Pernah Random?

Assalamualaikum

Rasanya lame sangat dah aku tak update entry yang terbaru. Bile baru nak bagi salam, kemudian terus save as a draft. Gitu la kisah berulang setiap kali kalau aku baru nak start menaip. Now, being Random, shall we? Aku slalu sangat hilang identity bila menaip. Hilang langkah dan kemudian menjadikan aku terus out dr dunia sebenar sebagai watak asal. Kejap nak style ini, kejap lagi kang nak yang itu plak. Dan yang kali ni??? Aku pun start la balik mencari identity lama. Kononnya genuine. -_-

Tinggalkan soal genuine atau x, tapi kali ni memang edisi random. Topic random tapi harap-harap entry dalam satu arah, tak la berterabur akal orang lain bila membaca. Cerita bermula dengan A, tengah-tengah entry B tapi penutup kisah AZ. Jauh melilau.

Nak bercakap tentang hal sendiri. Tapi berkaitan la dengan orang lain. Mungkin? Tentang yang mana harus dijadikan iktibar, atau yang mana harus menjadi ikutan. Entah, dalam keadaan hidup sekarang, yang mana aku sekarang seorang isteri dan mak kepada insan lain, banyak perkara yang harus ada dalam kepala sebelum tutup mata setiap malam. Pikiran tu boleh cakap, dalam diam pun kau akan rasa macam ade je yang tak selesai buat atau nak kene buat dengan cepat. Masa macam tak pernah cukup. Satu hari yang cepatnya la berjalan pergi. Kira-kira pernah dalam satu minggu, aku cuma rasa yang aku hidup dalam 2 hari. Faham tak macam mana? Lagi 5 hari macam hanyut tak sedar ke mana dah. Tapi ada sesetengah waktu yang aku tak sempat nak berpikir, aku dah terlelap kepenatan.
Betul la kata orang-orang yang dah rasa garam lebih awal ni. Ingat kerja suri rumah sepenuh masa mudah? Aku yang baru sebulan ni dah rasa mcam patah pinggang, sakit belakang. Kerja aku pagi-pagi mengikut urutan sampai la nak tidur malam:

Buat sarapan > kemas dapur > siapkan Umar lps abah dia mandikan > susukan Umar > siap-siap untuk makan tgahri + lunch Umar > masak > makan tghari + suapkan Umar > Zohor > kemas dapur balik + mop lantai> reheat untuk makan ptg Umar > rehat skjap > kmas depan > siapkan makan malam > kemas  kemas kemas kemas kemas…

Kesimpulannya aku tak pernah rasa rumah akan berkemas walaupun 20 kali aku buat kerja yang sama. Lantai mmg sekejap sgt akan rasa berminyak walaupun aku dah mop satu rumah. Dan aku paling tak tahan kalau aku pijak lantai tapi rasa melekit or berminyak. Memang agak sakit jiwa, tapi aku paksa jugak mop. Walaupun hari-hari. So Nampak mana tenaga aku hilang tak? Belum lagi layan Umar main, ajar words, ajar alif ba ta. Umar pun now kuat sgt susu, his growth spurt hitting back every month, jadi memang sentiasa kena ready. Kene beli booster untuk aku supaya sentiasa ada super power and jarang sakit or keletihan. tapi…. At the end of the day, kau rase seronok. Sebab, sentiasa ade next to your baby, ada rumah untuk masak dan kemas, dan happy tengok rumah bersih setiap hari. Seriously. Rasa paid off keletihan walaupun kau yang buat semua. Plus lagi seronok kalau husband compliment every meal yang kite prepare. Plus plus lagi, kalau anak habiskan makan. Hahahaha.

Itu hal seharian di rumah tentang kerja-kerja atas dunia. Tapi… untuk yang jadi bekalan kat sana tu jugak boleh jadi satu isu yang terbelenggu dalam hati, fikiran. Selalu doa supaya diberi sentiasa diberi hidayah dan petunjuk. Supaya sentiasa di atas jalan yang diredhaiNya. Tapi bila kadang-kadang dah penat sangat, solat automatic jadi tak fokus. Walaupun sebelum niat dah ade azam untuk fokus, last last terbabas jugak fikiran ke tempat lain. Kadang-kadang sampai lupa dah baca tahiyat awal atau tak. Dah teruk sangat. Memang aku admit, aku banyak kali diuji bila setiap kali aku mulakan hari dengan azam yang kuat untuk sentiasa solat awal dan khusyuk. Teruk sangat… bila fikir balik, aku kene jugak stop automatic semua kerja, dan terus ambil wudhu’ setiap kali lepas azan. Supaya ianya jadi tebiat. Pernah aku dengar bahawa Sesiapa yang solat di awal waktu, dia sentiasa mempunyai waktu yang cukup untuk perkara lain. Wallahualam. Tak salah aku, dengar tazkirah jugak ni. Dan satu lagi, solat menggambarkan peribadi kehidupan seharian kita. Kalau solat nak cepat dan taka da toma’ninah, ibarat kita sentiasa nak cepat dalam sesuatu kerja dan kurang kualiti. Kalau kita sering lambat solat, bermaksud kita sering siapkan kerja lebih waktu yang ditetapkan. Dan kalau kita lupa rakaat, kita sememangnye tak fokus dalam kerja. Jadi aku selalu ade semua tu. Alangkah teruk betul menjadi aku. -__-

Berazam supaya Allah dengar doa dan kabulkan permintaan aku. Aku minta supaya aku sentiasa dalam lindunganNya termasuk la anak dan suami serta keluarga ku. Supaya Islam tidak tertindas, supaya Melayu sedar diri, supaya anak aku mendengar kata dan menjadi hafiz seperti yang slalu aku doa semasa dalam kandungan lagi. Supaya Umar menjadi pejuang Islam yang tegakkan agamanya. InshaAllah anak ini akan sentiasa menenangkan jiwa kedua ibu bapanya dan menjadi contoh untuk adik beradik yang lain dan jugak umat lain. Amin.
So, itu je ceritaa entry kali ni. terpanjangkan?

Selamat semua.

Assalamualaikum.