Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Don't Count On Anyone

Assalamualaikum

As per today, i have the best ride to work as usual. I dont exactly know how to describe the feeling --- of riding together to work-- i would best relate it to intimacy/the closeness. Surely it is one of surreal thing.

I arrived late. 3 minutes delayed. The first red mark on my punch card. i care not to this matter. hahahaha.


Secondly, a news i received from someone higher (in authority) which brings the dullness all of sudden. i hate to say this, or even to think of this more than i should do. I just want to say this, DonT count on other especially when it relates to your work. i discovered myself on why other person can misjudge you because of your innocent wrongdoings. its clear that i can see some of this irresponsible people that do harm "unintentionally".

i dont wanna be the eternal judge on this matter. Let Him do His work cause He knows everything than we did.



Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Panic Cramp?

its like hitting me out of nowhere. it seems the word is not real but using it seems to be so cool. that is my personal view. so i just finished emceeing and its kinda thrill at first. after 20 minutes (in general) i started to get the vibe in controlling my voice, my tone, my pace and everything while reading the text. to be honest, and its obvious too that i have no talent to become the emcee. its just that the turn has come and i have to do that. if not now, sooner or later, i still NEED to be the emcee. my partner is good. i mean, he was nervous too. but for the sake of our TURN, i surrender myself with no complain. hahaha.


coming back to the office, i started to feel curious. i really don't know why i always be in an awkward feeling among the officers. they are the juniors who recently work in the branch and whenever i speak to my assistant, their friends will giggle and it seems to me that there is some story being spread behind me. sometimes, it does disturb my feeling. being my assistant, there are a lot of task to be done quickly, you need to rush, you have no proper meal time, i do so. so if i can do that, you too have to the same. we work in equivalent work load. no more, and no less. i even did myself for tasks which i prefer to do own my own.

I hope this ends quick. i really have no time to think of it deeper. the sooner it disappear, the better it will be.

i just want to stop now.

im having this menstrual cramp.

and actually it is the menstrual cramp im having. not a panic cramp!.

I am panic because i need to write this.


THE END.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Hello 2016

Assalamualaikum

I think i wrote the wrong title for this post, since its almost end of the year. Hahaha. showing how short minded my mind is. Well, i have been wanting to write since ages... But, the post end up in the draft (as usual).


I have been wanting to write now.

But, sort of loosing ideas.


Just thinking of my son. He is unwell. Having flu and hard to sleep last night. I only had 4 hours sleep last night and we were so worried that his temperature raised. This morning, he seems better and i hope he can recover sooner.


Well, he is not really adapt to this metropolitan air (i guess). This dense city is so crowded and polluted and i forgot that i should not bring my kid in the public like we always did when in Tronoh. Here, a bit suffocating. and I feel deranged too (sometimes). Fortuitously, we managed to have a place to rent nearby greenly area.


Note to myself: I need to always remember to think twice, thrice before deciding to go outing with my boy. Look for spacious and comfortable place so that we can breath cleaner air. hahaha



Till then, Assalamualaikum..

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Pernah Random?

Assalamualaikum

Rasanya lame sangat dah aku tak update entry yang terbaru. Bile baru nak bagi salam, kemudian terus save as a draft. Gitu la kisah berulang setiap kali kalau aku baru nak start menaip. Now, being Random, shall we? Aku slalu sangat hilang identity bila menaip. Hilang langkah dan kemudian menjadikan aku terus out dr dunia sebenar sebagai watak asal. Kejap nak style ini, kejap lagi kang nak yang itu plak. Dan yang kali ni??? Aku pun start la balik mencari identity lama. Kononnya genuine. -_-

Tinggalkan soal genuine atau x, tapi kali ni memang edisi random. Topic random tapi harap-harap entry dalam satu arah, tak la berterabur akal orang lain bila membaca. Cerita bermula dengan A, tengah-tengah entry B tapi penutup kisah AZ. Jauh melilau.

Nak bercakap tentang hal sendiri. Tapi berkaitan la dengan orang lain. Mungkin? Tentang yang mana harus dijadikan iktibar, atau yang mana harus menjadi ikutan. Entah, dalam keadaan hidup sekarang, yang mana aku sekarang seorang isteri dan mak kepada insan lain, banyak perkara yang harus ada dalam kepala sebelum tutup mata setiap malam. Pikiran tu boleh cakap, dalam diam pun kau akan rasa macam ade je yang tak selesai buat atau nak kene buat dengan cepat. Masa macam tak pernah cukup. Satu hari yang cepatnya la berjalan pergi. Kira-kira pernah dalam satu minggu, aku cuma rasa yang aku hidup dalam 2 hari. Faham tak macam mana? Lagi 5 hari macam hanyut tak sedar ke mana dah. Tapi ada sesetengah waktu yang aku tak sempat nak berpikir, aku dah terlelap kepenatan.
Betul la kata orang-orang yang dah rasa garam lebih awal ni. Ingat kerja suri rumah sepenuh masa mudah? Aku yang baru sebulan ni dah rasa mcam patah pinggang, sakit belakang. Kerja aku pagi-pagi mengikut urutan sampai la nak tidur malam:

Buat sarapan > kemas dapur > siapkan Umar lps abah dia mandikan > susukan Umar > siap-siap untuk makan tgahri + lunch Umar > masak > makan tghari + suapkan Umar > Zohor > kemas dapur balik + mop lantai> reheat untuk makan ptg Umar > rehat skjap > kmas depan > siapkan makan malam > kemas  kemas kemas kemas kemas…

Kesimpulannya aku tak pernah rasa rumah akan berkemas walaupun 20 kali aku buat kerja yang sama. Lantai mmg sekejap sgt akan rasa berminyak walaupun aku dah mop satu rumah. Dan aku paling tak tahan kalau aku pijak lantai tapi rasa melekit or berminyak. Memang agak sakit jiwa, tapi aku paksa jugak mop. Walaupun hari-hari. So Nampak mana tenaga aku hilang tak? Belum lagi layan Umar main, ajar words, ajar alif ba ta. Umar pun now kuat sgt susu, his growth spurt hitting back every month, jadi memang sentiasa kena ready. Kene beli booster untuk aku supaya sentiasa ada super power and jarang sakit or keletihan. tapi…. At the end of the day, kau rase seronok. Sebab, sentiasa ade next to your baby, ada rumah untuk masak dan kemas, dan happy tengok rumah bersih setiap hari. Seriously. Rasa paid off keletihan walaupun kau yang buat semua. Plus lagi seronok kalau husband compliment every meal yang kite prepare. Plus plus lagi, kalau anak habiskan makan. Hahahaha.

Itu hal seharian di rumah tentang kerja-kerja atas dunia. Tapi… untuk yang jadi bekalan kat sana tu jugak boleh jadi satu isu yang terbelenggu dalam hati, fikiran. Selalu doa supaya diberi sentiasa diberi hidayah dan petunjuk. Supaya sentiasa di atas jalan yang diredhaiNya. Tapi bila kadang-kadang dah penat sangat, solat automatic jadi tak fokus. Walaupun sebelum niat dah ade azam untuk fokus, last last terbabas jugak fikiran ke tempat lain. Kadang-kadang sampai lupa dah baca tahiyat awal atau tak. Dah teruk sangat. Memang aku admit, aku banyak kali diuji bila setiap kali aku mulakan hari dengan azam yang kuat untuk sentiasa solat awal dan khusyuk. Teruk sangat… bila fikir balik, aku kene jugak stop automatic semua kerja, dan terus ambil wudhu’ setiap kali lepas azan. Supaya ianya jadi tebiat. Pernah aku dengar bahawa Sesiapa yang solat di awal waktu, dia sentiasa mempunyai waktu yang cukup untuk perkara lain. Wallahualam. Tak salah aku, dengar tazkirah jugak ni. Dan satu lagi, solat menggambarkan peribadi kehidupan seharian kita. Kalau solat nak cepat dan taka da toma’ninah, ibarat kita sentiasa nak cepat dalam sesuatu kerja dan kurang kualiti. Kalau kita sering lambat solat, bermaksud kita sering siapkan kerja lebih waktu yang ditetapkan. Dan kalau kita lupa rakaat, kita sememangnye tak fokus dalam kerja. Jadi aku selalu ade semua tu. Alangkah teruk betul menjadi aku. -__-

Berazam supaya Allah dengar doa dan kabulkan permintaan aku. Aku minta supaya aku sentiasa dalam lindunganNya termasuk la anak dan suami serta keluarga ku. Supaya Islam tidak tertindas, supaya Melayu sedar diri, supaya anak aku mendengar kata dan menjadi hafiz seperti yang slalu aku doa semasa dalam kandungan lagi. Supaya Umar menjadi pejuang Islam yang tegakkan agamanya. InshaAllah anak ini akan sentiasa menenangkan jiwa kedua ibu bapanya dan menjadi contoh untuk adik beradik yang lain dan jugak umat lain. Amin.
So, itu je ceritaa entry kali ni. terpanjangkan?

Selamat semua.

Assalamualaikum.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

If only you miss me

Assalamualaikum

Well I am back. bagus la nya selepas beberape bulan baru nak muncul balik. Muncul balik dgn title mama & student. -___- sunggul cool (tpi emoticon sebaliknye). hahahaha.


hari ni story pasal ape? dangg. okay, updates on my baby would be one of it. Umar now is reaching 4 months old. So far, i am truly happy with his developments. Die sangat active, cheeky, friendly, and quick learner. I believe he has good potential to be someone one day. Amin. to compare his physical with other same age babies, i think dia ikut abah dia kot. heeeeee. rendang but cute. i dont care as long as my baby is healthy. So far, Umar tak pernah demam or selsema. After jab pun still standing strong like nothing happen. Nowadays, both of us dah start bagi flashcard untuk die belajar. kenal words, alif sampai ya, objects and others. he started to concentrate on things that we show to him. walaupun kadang-kadang die ngantuk, but still attend to what we are trying to show him. Umar likes Upin Ipin too.. hahaha, skrg muka die pun i rasa dh nak sama dengan watak Ipin Upin dgn rambut sikit dkt atas kepala too. He is quite heavy too. Kuat susu. talking bout milk, im trying to increase my supply sbb kdg-kdg i am not well discipline when comes to pumping. tpi many say that u should DL to increase ur supply. so weekend je la i start nk buat balik PP. :)


Nextttttttttt........



My research work? Holla. i am now in RPD mode. btw, tgah nak completekan BAPC which is the annual conference for all PG students. Its  a must for all or else xde grade la utk this semester. Thinking of what to expand more in composite structures area. must be hard ya thinking sampai ke sudah, last-last jumpe idea dlm toilet. not sooo cooooooool -__________- (major nsc). Research mode still tgh increase the pace. oh, my dear friend nak start her phd journey this coming july. when i heard the news, i was like >___________<  Major yeaaaaaaaaaaaaay! now i have a lady company (instead of my husband) to mingle around. dulu ade nana, and now she is staying in kl. So when adha moves here later, we are like 3 stooges. haahaha. okay, i pray to God that Nana will found her prince charming and later decide to stay in tronoh and build their family and have kids and work here together (bla bla bla).. like tak berkembang betul social aku ni. pusing-pusing the same faces i see. hahahhaa. anyway, its good to be close with yr best buddy sebab ko tak payah nak cerita some part of yr private life from the beginning till tak tau when will end to  a now people kan??? i get my fact right kan? hahahhaa. She was my roommate since we started our master sampai la now nak jadi residentmates. gile crazy perempuan ni, sbb she asked me to ask people nearby nak sewa rumah. aku la jadi mangsa. who else la ade kat sini kan???



So to conclude all,



i am satisfied with what i have for now, Thanks to the Almighty who ease my journey. susah senang memang ada, but alhamdulillah we manage to face our challenges together. whatever happens, we learn from it. mistakes make us stronger to face other higher difficulties. The more He tests us, the stronger we would be.


thats it from me,


if only you miss me.......... :| (major plain)



Bye.


Assalamualaikum.


A. M. Umar bin M. Affiq

Love u to moon then surround the universe!!



Sunday, January 18, 2015

Love

You know that your love for human never last?

What takes yr love to be eternity?

Ask your Creator..He who keep the answer in yr heart.

One step you take to get closer to your Creator, thousand steeps He take to get near you. ALLAHUAKBAR...

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Higher than u cant expect

Assalamualaikum....

I wish i could write it anytime i want, whenever the idea pop out like this time-- at this moment... i believe this is the only medium that i could express my feelings, my thoughts of any issue, critically criticize in any aspects it should be criticize.

I--- should never question a holiness of someone which is superior than me in which their level are beyond my degree of authority. When they are higher in ranking of respect, i expect them to teach me or at least i learn a lot of positive life values to be applied in my future. But then, when comes the unethical values potrayed in their action; i started to question the holiness of the person. In return, the respect u have for that kind of person, will decrease. I am not sure if you can understand this, but let me give you an example. If to debate on religion point of view, u would never argue with an ustaz or ustazah which we know that they are expert in that area and when they slightly done any mistake in the public, people will smack them down like they never ever did any good things before. That is how the reaction of our society towards this kind of issue. You must show a good example to the people around you so that no finger will be pointed towards you on inappropriate actions.

So, here in my case, i am no longer a toddler that can be cheated on any result you made. I am here to judge and i can value myself what kind of people you are. This is general principle ethics that you must always think good of others, never make any speculation towards others unless you witness yourself the wrongdoings they have made. But that is still not enough to drop any conclusion that a person is bad. Its your eyes that may trick you. I always wanted my now and future to be different from what i was raised. To change the negativity mindset into positive ones.. too much influence from badmouth people will destroy our peaceful mind and judgement. So stay away from this people.

In 2015; i wish and work to become a better person than i am before. Become an understanding mother to my dearest son, splendid wife to my lovable husband and a pious slave to my Creator. InshaAllah. My vision is to still perform the sunnah like i did before continously, becoming more humble and work hard to finish my phd studies.

;)